Thoughts from a strange land
Towards the end of 2008 Fr
Michael was diagnosed with motor neurone disease. Even for someone who has
spent the best part of his life reflecting on the human condition, Fr Michael
still struggles to make sense of his illness. In a series of articles he
reflects theologically on what it means to be ill.
Make
no mistake, I would very much prefer not to suffer from motor neurone disease.
When it was diagnosed it seemed like a catastrophe; it still does. It has
changed my life. But – and here is the strange thing – some of the changes have
been for the better.
In
order for you to understand how something as awful as MND can bring benefits, I
need to explain my affinity with an historical event. I have come to realise
that, in a strange way, my life mirrors that period of Jewish history known as
the Exile.
Around
600 BC, Judaea found itself surrounded by three powerful empires: Assyria , Egypt
and Babylon . The
Jewish homeland became the battleground for their struggle for supremacy. In
the process, the Jewish state was destroyed and the holy city of Jerusalem was flattered.
The Jews were deported to live as exiles in Babylon .
This
was a catastrophe. They lost their home, their social structure was destroyed,
they no longer had access to the Temple
which had been the focus of their religious life. They were a broken people:
"By the waters of Babylon – there we sat
down and there we wept when we remembered Zion .
How could we sing the Lord's song in a strange land?"
The
temptation must have been to give up, to blame God, to abandon their faith, and
to let hope be swamped with despair.
In
practice, something quite different happen. The catastrophe of the Exile became
the time for the flowering of the Jewish faith. Jewish scholars edited their traditional
Scriptures and produced some of the most important prophetic books of the Old
Testament. The scholarly group known as the Scribes emerged to rethink and
develop their Jewish theology. And the tribal system, which had been the focus
of so much conflict and bickering in ancient Israel , was replaced by a real
sense of the unity of the Jewish people.
In
short, out of the catastrophe of the Exile came a new depth and subtlety to
their religious faith and a greater understanding of the love and majesty of
God.
Sometimes
my illness seems to me to be like an exile. It has destroyed the order of my
old life, undermined so much that was taken for granted, made it impossible for
me to realise my ambitions. Sometimes it really does make me feel as if,
against my will, I have been transported to some foreign country.
And
yet, this 'exile' has been for me a time of re-evaluation and discovery. I have
had to think deeply about my faith, about the nature of God, and what it means
to be a follower of Jesus. It has increased my appreciation of those closest to
me, who have been forced to follow me into exile. And by removing the
expectations of a 'normal' life, it has enabled me to discover what is really
important and of value.
I
would never say that, on balance, my MND has been a good thing – far from it. I
still wish that my life, my relationships and my ministry had remained as they
were. However, I am grateful for what my illness has taught me. It has enriched
my faith and revealed to me the things that matter and the thing that do not.
Any
of us, if we become seriously ill, can treat it as an unmitigated catastrophe.
Or, despite the burden of suffering, we can use it as an opportunity to take
stock of our lives and what is really important to us. We have that choice.
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