Towards the end of 2008 Fr Michael was diagnosed with motor neurone
disease. Even for someone who has spent the best part of his life reflecting on
the human condition, Fr Michael still struggles to make sense of his illness.
In a series of articles he reflects theologically on what it means to be ill.
How can I remain positive and
optimistic when suffering from a serious illness like motor neurone disease?
One of the things that has
helped is to reflect on people who have overcome disaster, and yet lived useful
and fulfilling lives. There are many people who have inspired me in this way. I
want to mention just one: the composer Ludwig van Beethoven.
Anyone who loves music (as I do)
must acknowledge that Beethoven was a giant of the artistic world. His music
expresses the most noble of themes: freedom, joy, love, the triumph of the
human spirit, our ability to find hope beyond despair. Not only was he a great
and revolutionary composer, but he leads us along paths of optimism and faith that
many of us would not discover but for his music.
And yet, Beethoven was afflicted
with a disability that, for a musician, could not be more devastating. From an
early age he began to lose his hearing. Most of his greatest works were written
when he was profoundly deaf.
We should not think that
Beethoven rose above this disability with ease. In fact, it was the greatest of
all burdens to him. It nearly drove him to suicide.
In 1802 he wrote a letter to his
brothers. He relates how devastating it was for him not to be able to hear the
notes of a flute or the singing of a shepherd. "Such incidents brought me
to the verge of despair; but little more and I would have put an end to my
life. It was only art that withheld me. It seemed impossible to leave the world
until I had produced all that I felt called upon to produce."
Beethoven's legacy to the world
is infinitely greater than mine will ever be. Nevertheless, I find inspiration
in his belief that he had been given the task to express, through his music,
profound insights. Despite his cruel disability, he would not give up until he
had achieved that objective.
Beethoven was not conventionally
religious, but he certainly believed that his genius was 'given' to him. He
believed it was his duty to use what he had been given and not to squander it
however burdensome his life had become.
One of the things that enables
me to carry on despite suffering from MND is the belief that I can still be of
some small use to people. I will not give up until I have fulfilled those
things I feel called to do.
Beethoven inspires me, not only
in the profundity of his music, but because the disability of his deafness increased his greatness. We all have
(perhaps modest) gifts that can be used in the service of God; ironically (as
with Beethoven) those gifts can become more valuable when mediated through
personal struggle.