Is life worth it?

 

Towards the end of 2008 Fr Michael was diagnosed with motor neurone disease. Even for someone who has spent the best part of his life reflecting on the human condition, Fr Michael still struggles to make sense of his illness. In a series of articles he reflects theologically on what it means to be ill.

 

How can I remain positive and optimistic when suffering from a serious illness like motor neurone disease?

 

One of the things that has helped is to reflect on people who have overcome disaster, and yet lived useful and fulfilling lives. There are many people who have inspired me in this way. I want to mention just one: the composer Ludwig van Beethoven.

 

Anyone who loves music (as I do) must acknowledge that Beethoven was a giant of the artistic world. His music expresses the most noble of themes: freedom, joy, love, the triumph of the human spirit, our ability to find hope beyond despair. Not only was he a great and revolutionary composer, but he leads us along paths of optimism and faith that many of us would not discover but for his music.

 

And yet, Beethoven was afflicted with a disability that, for a musician, could not be more devastating. From an early age he began to lose his hearing. Most of his greatest works were written when he was profoundly deaf.

 

We should not think that Beethoven rose above this disability with ease. In fact, it was the greatest of all burdens to him. It nearly drove him to suicide.

 

In 1802 he wrote a letter to his brothers. He relates how devastating it was for him not to be able to hear the notes of a flute or the singing of a shepherd. "Such incidents brought me to the verge of despair; but little more and I would have put an end to my life. It was only art that withheld me. It seemed impossible to leave the world until I had produced all that I felt called upon to produce."

 

Beethoven's legacy to the world is infinitely greater than mine will ever be. Nevertheless, I find inspiration in his belief that he had been given the task to express, through his music, profound insights. Despite his cruel disability, he would not give up until he had achieved that objective.

 

Beethoven was not conventionally religious, but he certainly believed that his genius was 'given' to him. He believed it was his duty to use what he had been given and not to squander it however burdensome his life had become.

 

One of the things that enables me to carry on despite suffering from MND is the belief that I can still be of some small use to people. I will not give up until I have fulfilled those things I feel called to do.

 

Beethoven inspires me, not only in the profundity of his music, but because the disability of his deafness increased his greatness. We all have (perhaps modest) gifts that can be used in the service of God; ironically (as with Beethoven) those gifts can become more valuable when mediated through personal struggle.

 

Surely, Beethoven was right: it is impossible for us to leave this world until we have fulfilled all that we feel God has called upon us to do.