Is it fair?

 

Towards the end of 2008 Fr Michael was diagnosed with motor neurone disease. Even for someone who has spent the best part of his life reflecting on the human condition, Fr Michael still struggles to make sense of his illness. In a series of articles he reflects theologically on what it means to be ill.

 

I ask you: Has God been fair to me?

 

Is it fair that I have contracted motor neurone disease? Is it fair that I have lost my mobility? Is it fair that I am losing my ability to speak clearly? Is it fair that my illness imposes such a burden on my family and friends?

 

In the middle of November I had one of my regular appointments with my MND specialist at Queen's Hospital. He drew me into a discussion about how the disease might progress, and the importance of deciding in advance what the medical team should do if I should face a medical crisis (this is something that I normally try to avoid thinking about). Is it fair that I should have to face such matters of life and death?

 

So I ask it again: Has God been fair to me? Is it fair that, despite doing my best to live as a faithful servant of God, I should have to face these problems?

 

I know that many people find themselves asking the same question. It is almost as if we have a contract with God: If I live a good life and avoid doing anything wicked, then God will look after me. If I keep my part of the bargain, it is unfair of God not to keep His.

 

The reality is that life is not fair. Things go wrong and nobody is to blame. We have no right to believe that (for example) if we regularly attend church and give generously to charities we can expect an untroubled life. The truth is that, if we face a calamity, no contract is broken – least of all with God.

 

The important point is this: when life seems unfair (and when we tell ourselves life has treated us unfairly) we have two options.

 

Either we can allow the sense of unfairness itself to become a burden on our life. To take that option will lead to bitterness, anger and (in some cases) a loss of faith.

 

Or we can accept our misfortune and try to make the best of the hand that life has dealt us.  To follow that course enables us to maintain a degree of serenity, increases our empathy with others who suffer (and perhaps empowers us to be more useful to them), and maintains our eagerness to continue as God's servants.

 

The second option is not always easy, but it leads to a positive outlook. If we give in to the first option we will descend into a destructive spiral of negativity.

 

Since I was diagnosed with MND I have done my best to avoid the myth of the unfairness of life. On the occasions when I have given in to such negative thoughts, reality has been restored by reflecting on this: Jesus went to the cross for me and for the salvation of the world. Was that fair?